My name is Eric Anguiano.
I’m 20 years old, Mexican, and go to ucla.
I’m also the worst person I know. I come from a very strong family that doesn’t show sympathy or love except for hugs on Christmas and New Years and maybe birthdays. But I’m not like the rest of my family, I’m weak, and I’ve spent as long as I can remember trying to find love, some sort of true love where someone will kiss me, hug me, and just be there so I know they care. For some reason all I care about is making people happy, and I do so much for everyone, but I try too hard. I’ve been seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for the past 3 years, and on several medications daily because I have severe depression, acute bipolar disorder, and panic attacks. I hate myself. Physically I’m the ugliest person in the world I literally hate looking in the mirror every morning. I also acknowledge that I’m fucking crazy and know that’s why I’m always alone. I used to wonder why I don’t have many friends, I’m alone most of the time, or why friends never seem to stick around in my life. It’s cause no one wants to deal with me. I wouldn’t want to deal with me….I’ve been attempting suicide for the past 7 years but as soon as I get close I’m too scared to do anything. If someone is so unhappy, so alone, so messed up that no one wants him around, that his own family treats horribly, and if someone just hates every ounce of themself, then that’s it isn’t it?
Save the world from dealing with a nuisance like you…..I’m gonna try again tonight….I would try to say goodbye to someone but I don’t have anyone that I know would really miss me. So I’ll post it here, in hopes that…idk…in hopes that maybe someone will remember me…or…maybe it’s just cause posting it this way makes it easier, it makes me feel like I, not alone…like I’m talking to someone that actually cares and will hold my hand while I go off the ledge…..I’m crying so bad….I’m so scared…I don’t want to….but I know it’s the only thing left for me to do…..god please have mercy on me….mom and dad please I’m sorry I couldn’t be the son you wanted me to be…I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to your standards….everyone else I’m sorry for burdening your lives….David….I love you….god this is so hard…..I’m sorry I couldn’t be better…I’m sorry I couldn’t be worth something….I’m so sorry….